The Right Choice
by SXM MelChan
Summary: What I think might have happened between Colonel Davis and Tasha after the trial. My first ever fan fic, be gentle. Its a one-shot.


Title: The Right Choice

By: SXM MelChan

Summary: What I think might have happened when Tasha exits the base for the last time.

Disclaimer: Yeah I don't own The L Word, characters, names, etc…the lovely Miss Chaiken does.

Rating: PG

A/N: My first attempt at a fan fic. It's not long, as I'm just trying my hand here. This storyline hit home for a great friend of mine, and I wondered what Colonel Davis would have to say if alone with Tasha in a room after the trial. Any reviews are welcome.

The gym was oddly empty for a Saturday morning. Usually she could count on finding Brown (the bastard) or even Beech behind its doors with others, benching their limit or taking out the frustrations of the week on the heavy bag. This morning, though, there was relative silence as only a few soldiers made the most of their morning downtime. She caught a glimpse of Martinez, who was pumping away on a stationary bike. Tasha nodded and gave a small smile, which Martinez returned, though hers came across as more sympathetic than anything else. It was no secret that Captain Tasha Williams was soon to be just Tasha Williams, civilian.

She had come in this morning to collect any and all remaining belongings from her former office, and to use the base's gym one last time. She did all her best thinking there, and now that her career in the military was a few signatures away from being officially over, God knows she needed to think. She had borrowed Alice's car to store her stuff while she worked out, and now that her office was as bare as the day she had moved into it, she could concentrate on putting her body through its paces. Settling on a treadmill located to the rear right corner of the building, she pulled her headphones over her ears and let herself drift into thought.

∙∙∙

Two and a half hours later, Tasha pulled herself out of workout mode, letting the free weights she'd been working with fall to the floor. Breathing heavily, but slowly, she ran her towel over her face, wiping the stinging sweat from her eyes. It had been a considerably light workout, despite the length of time it had taken her. Tasha sat for a moment on an unoccupied bench, and took a look around the room. This would be her last time here, surrounded by people she had laughed with, served with, and cried with. In her mind's eye she could see the moments in this gym that had defined her. What stuck out most was the day Specialist Sochynsky had come to her in the locker room, confessing her fears over being discovered as being a lesbian. Sochynsky had lost two of her best friends, also gay, in Iraq, just a few months after breaking down to Tasha. Tasha smiled to herself, but it was more of a grimace. The hypocrisy of it had never escaped her; they couldn't live their lives openly, but their blood wasn't so gay that it couldn't be spilled along with everyone else's.

Heaving a sigh, Tasha stood and walked towards the showers, noting that the gym seemed even emptier now. _What is going on,_ she wondered. She undressed in the locker room, pulling the over-sized towel tight around her before stepping into one of the open stalls. One other person was showering, though who it was, she couldn't tell by their feet. She stepped under the spray of water, closing her eyes and letting the jets pound against her back, flexing her arms as the water warmed up. Tasha's eyes snapped open at a sound. The only other occupant of the shower room was quietly sobbing in her stall, her louder cries muffled by the pouring water. Tasha frowned and finished up, turning off her shower and wrapping her towel around her once more. When she got to her locker, she heard the other shower shut off as well.

_Shit,_ she thought, not wanting to face whoever it was that had been crying in their stall. She glanced up at the figure entering the locker room. _OH SHIT. _

Colonel Gillian Davis entered the locker room, clutching her towel to her chest as she made her way to a locker across the room from Tasha's. She thumbed the latch and opened the door slowly, seemingly oblivious to Tasha's presence. This did not bother the former Captain, who began tugging her jeans on as quickly as she could without toppling over.

"In a hurry, Captain?" came Davis' brash, commanding voice, and Tasha froze. She finished pulling her jeans on before turning. Davis was still in her towel.

"No, Colonel Davis," she replied, "and its just Tasha now, thank you."

"I'm surprised at you, Williams," Davis said, fixing Tasha with a cold stare. "Your record gave me the impression that you would do anything to preserve your station in the military…that this was the single most significant aspect of your life. I'm slightly disappointed."

"Colonel Davis," Tasha began, leaning against her locker, "with all due respect, sometimes there are things that are more important than maintaining a set of archaic and antiquated ideals that only serve to put the minds of scared old men and women at ease. Although maybe I should be thankful…the military had no problem putting my life at risk until it found out I was gay. Maybe this is doing me a huge service, kicking me out for loving women. It's like some sick form of protection, don't you think?"

"Oh cut the out and proud bullshit, Williams," Davis hissed, crossing the space between them in five long strides so that she was face to face with Tasha. "You think its worth it now, to piss on the hand that's fed you through JROTC and the whole shebang because you're 'in love.' But it won't be worth it when blondie disappears six months from now and you're left doing some menial task to make ends meet."

Tasha stood in stunned silence as Davis leaned back, her face flushed red, droplets of water trailing down her cheeks from her still-wet hair. Understanding began to dawn on Tasha as she observed the older woman, who looked as though she'd like nothing more than to break down in tears all over again.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Tasha asked softly, bracing herself in case the Colonel forgot all sense of protocol and decided to deck her.

"Williams, you're out of a career and will probably end up bagging groceries at a local mini-mart," Davis spat, running her hands over her face and through her hair. "What do I have to be jealous of?"

"I made a decision that you were incapable of making for yourself," Tasha stated bluntly. Davis' face crumpled momentarily, but she regained her composure in a millisecond. _Never show that fear,_ Tasha thought to herself. "This is why you went to Alice. I see it now. She never did tell me why you offered that last minute deal to her. Now I know. She saw right through your "upholding the moral code" bullshit and realized that you're just an old, bitter dyke."

Davis considered Tasha for a moment, studying her face intently before sighing and sinking to the bench beside her.

"Your friend could have ruined me," she whispered. She stared blankly at the lockers before her, rocking slightly on the heels of her hands. Shaking her head, she smiled sadly before speaking again. "I've worked too hard for this, to let one case bring me down completely. I threw the deal at your girlfriend so she'd leave me alone. You had the chance to keep what you've built for yourself. And you threw it away. And for what…"

"For love," Tasha replied. Davis guffawed and raised her eyes to Tasha's.

"Love, huh?" Davis said. "That's very poetic of you, Williams. What happens when she leaves?"

"Colonel, I didn't do this just for the right to love Alice," Tasha said. "I did this for the right to love **period.** For the right to love, whoever may come after Alice, if I am unfortunate enough to have her leave me. I'm not out and proud just for Alice, I'm out and proud for me, for her, for my friends and for the hundreds of other gay and lesbian military personnel who won't ever have this chance." She paused for a moment, smiling inwardly because now she understood Davis and knew how to defend herself against the older woman's biting commentary. "I'm sorry that you were once in love with a woman who didn't appreciate you or your circumstances, and so only saw fit to leave you to deal with those circumstances. Alice did try to appreciate those things about me…but in the end it was me who couldn't continue to appreciate them and the hypocrisy that comes with them. That's why I've done this."

"I told you the day you tossed away your future that in the end," Davis began, "the personal sacrifice of serving your country and upholding military ideals was the nobler cause. I stand by that statement, Williams, and I will be the first to say that we have lost a good soldier."

"I appreciate your words, Colonel Davis," Tasha said, zipping up her gym bag and adjusting her shirt collar. "If I said I wouldn't miss this, I would be lying. And I somewhat surprised myself with what I said that day in the courtroom. But I met someone who further confirmed that this was something I had to do."

"And who is that? Alice?" Davis asked, frowning.

"No, ma'am," Tasha said. "It was you."

"How did meeting me cause you to decide to abandon your country in its time of need?" Davis questioned, her tone incredulous as she regarded her former courtroom adversary.

"I saw in you what I would become if I remained in the service," Tasha began, "and continued living by its 'morals and values.' And I didn't like it…I didn't like the idea of lonely nights and one-night stands that no doubt make up your everyday life. I didn't like the idea of having to ignore women who have been my rock and my salvation through so much, simply because they are gay. I didn't like the idea of resenting my openly gay friends for the ease with which they can walk down a street holding hands, because they didn't make the choice for me to enter the service. I did. And I made the choice to leave it, because I saw my future in you, and I hated it."

Davis remained silent, rising from the bench and heading back to her locker. She began dressing slowly, pulling on her uniform as though it weighed fifty pounds, her movements calm and controlled, but Tasha knew she was boiling inside. Tasha had hit more than one nerve with her words, and yet she did not move, she remained where she was because this discussion was not yet over. She decided to see how much more she could say.

"I wish that things were different, Colonel," Tasha said. "In a perfect life, I could see us as friends and colleagues, as women who love women and who are free to do so. I ask you please to not take offense to anything I've said. Whether you like it or not, you are my sister through ways far more complicated than blood."

"Request granted, Williams," Davis said, her back to Tasha as she buttoned her shirt and adjusted her cuffs. She finished dressing and turned to face the younger woman, her expression filled with confusion and regret. "Now, if you'll excuse me, now that yours is over, there are other cases that require my attention."

She extended her hand to Tasha, standing almost at attention. The young soldier took it.

"Good luck, Williams," Davis said, giving Tasha's hand a firm shake. Tasha nodded, but the Colonel did not release her hand. Tasha raised her eyebrows, and in Davis' eyes she saw the unasked question. They regarded each other, something having passed between them this quiet Saturday morning that somehow erased the hostility that had followed them throughout the trial. Eventually, a warm smile spread across Tasha's face, and she gave the Colonel's hand a squeeze. _You can trust me_, it said.

"Thank you, Colonel," Tasha said. "Whoever she was, maybe if she had appreciated and supported you, you would have found the strength to do what I have done."

Davis smiled, perhaps the first genuine smile that Tasha had seen cross the woman's face since her arrival at the base. She returned Tasha's squeeze and then released her hand. Davis pulled on and adjusted her beret, her stripes a reflection of the life she had forsaken in favor of the lie she now lived.

"Good day, Williams," she said. She made to step through the door, but she hesitated and turned back slightly to face Tasha. "And good luck with Alice as well. I hope you've made the right choice."

With that, Davis left Tasha alone in the locker room, with nothing but the slow drip of the faucets. Tasha exhaled slowly, feeling as though she had been holding her breath the entire time. Davis was a good woman, and Tasha felt sorry that she had forsaken her happiness in favor of her career. _I hope you've made the right choice,_ she had said to Tasha. Her words echoed now in the young woman's head, and she was brought back to reality only by the ringing of her cell phone.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey baby, are you finished yet?" came Alice's voice, and Tasha smiled broadly, the thought of another wonderful night spent in the pretty blonde's arms replacing the tension of her earlier confrontation.

_I hope you've made the right choice._

_**Yes, I have…**_


End file.
